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07 September 2007 @ 11:22 pm
So it's been such a long time since i've updated everything mostly because i didn't have internet at home cuz everyone told me i needed a credit card, but as it turns out i really don't...so i waited all this time for nothing...oh well...

So here are some updates...

working at the Siniktarvik Hotel, as a server. But i don't plan on being a server for very long, i'm working my ass off and trying to think of something to make me stand out. Altho i've been promised a front desk position as soon as we can hire more servers, so hopefully we get that done.
I really would like to work my way up to manager, it's been a goal of mine since highschool. A lot of people tell me i don't want the job cuz it's too much work for the money, but i think i'd enjoy it. I hope so anyway otherwise i'll have to come up with a new career goal.I love all the people I work with, i was able to get Pam a job there so it's nice to have my close friend there. And all the people are mostly nice.
I know i'm not working as hard as I used to there, but the thing is they've been telling me i'm moving to the front for a while now, and it still hasn't happened, I understand the need for more servers, but still, i'm beginning to loose hope.

I can't believe she's already almost one, I'm sooooo sooo excited. It's been such a crazy year, and I can't imagine her being as small as she used to be. But it's crazy how much she knows. She's not walking yet, and she's just starting to walk while holding one of my hads, she still gets a little nurvous tho. Her favourite songs are "if your happy and you know it" and basically anything you could head bang to. She just loves heavy metal, it's soo cute. She loves talking on the phone too, she'll cry if my mom doesn't talk to her at least every other day. Now that we have the computer she cries to go on it too, She knows there are online games she could play. She climbs up the stairs any chance she gets and goes nuts when we give her a bath. She still loves playing outside and is starting to hate having to get dressed up for winter. I could go on and on about her, but those are the major ones...love her...

I'm still with guy, and thinks are going good. We've been talking alot about our future and are starting to make some plans, nothign set in stone but I think we have the same idea for what we want, when will get it is the only question. We really need to be moving into a bigger place, but who knows when that will be.

So that's my updates, i'm not really sure whatelse i should go on about, but that's basically my life in a nutshell. Still love being in Rankin, and quite happy with where my life has taken me so far..
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Current Location: HOME
Current Mood: contentcontent
12 May 2007 @ 07:34 pm
what makes someone ugly, what makes them hott??
As a girl I know all too well what it's like to feel inadequate.
To feel like your not hott enough, your boobs arn't big enough, you could've done without that second helping, or little snack.
No matter what some people say, it's always that one person's little comment, it doesn't even have to be to you. No matter how much weight you loose, how much you change your hair, make up clothes, anything...You still feel like it's not good enough.
I have a boyfriend, who i knwo loves me, who i know would never leave me for a nother girl. who i know doesn't think i'm hott, sexy, all the things a girl wants to be.
I know he thinks i'm beautiful, but fuck, your mom is beautiful. I'm his girlfriend, i want to be more.

sorry, i just feel very ugly right now. you know.
I just wish he could understand, i know he knwos something is bothering me, and i wish i could tell him. but i know if i do tell him, he'll start saying i'm hott or sexy, but he won't mean it. It will just be empty words.

Idk, i know i could try do something about it, loose weight and all. But youknwo, normally i really like how i look, i mean, i wish i had a little bit bigger boobs, but overall i don't hate my body, not until he says something about someone elses. and I know health wise i could stand to loose a few pounds, but i'm not like knocking at deaths door. I think i'm just slightly over weight.

IDK i just wanted to get soem stuff off my chest and hopefully feel a little bit better..which I do.
05 May 2007 @ 01:48 am
So guy is out again tonite, woo hoo..leaving me here alone..boring!
and I'm Quite worried about him..i don't know why but I have a sad feeling in the pit of my stomach. It's not that i'm worried he's going to cheat on me, i mean i think he is but it's not like i havn't done that to him too...
it's just, idk, i'm always afraid when he goes out drinking he's going to say the wrong thing to the wrong person and he'll end up never comming home, or he'll pass out somewhere and just freeze (which does happen here quite a bit :S)
I don't know, i just, i wish we could go out together, but he never seems to want to, i don't know why but he doesn't seem to like drinking iwth me..but anyway I'm just worried and had to tell someone..
thanx for listening
it really makes me feel better...
Hope you all are having the time of your life right now...
01 May 2007 @ 12:45 pm
Looked like a few ppl were updating their journals so i figured i would jump on the wagon...
I'm now living in Iqaluit (Nunavut's capital) with guy..it's pretty nice, i like our apartment, above of the hotel, theaters, stores, and BAR!! :D:D:D
lol not like i get to go often..
I'm not working, but i don't mind, lol, well I kinda wish i was working, just cuz i want some extra cash, and it's nice to see different ppl, but i think Shady is still too young to be left with a sitter..I just don't want her to be raised by other people.

Me and guy are doing not bad, we're getting close but taking a few steps back too..I came up wit a schedule to take care of our panik (daughter, shady) so that i don't feel like i'm always the one taking care of her, and it's actually working out really well. and I think he's starting to realize how much work she actually is. And she's sick right now so she's a wee bit crankier then usual.

I'm still not sure what our plans for the summer are, we were talking about going to Pangurtung (sp?), but idk, we both want to go home but i don't think we'll be able to afford it. well I KNOW we won't be able to afford it.

Shady is getting soo big and mobile..lol she can crawl backwards (forward when we're sleeping or not looking)...and stand for quite a while..lol she just has to work on her balance..she's starting to get very talkitive. hehe she doensn't actually say words, but she yells when you talk to her, liek she's responding..and she loves to talk on the phone..she can kind of respond to her name, when she's not distracted..
Me and Guy are talking about having another kid..lol i don't knwo how i'm not pregnant yet,lol idk i guess we shouldn't really have one yet, but i miss being pregnant and he watns another kid. And we're getting pretty settled in..idk, it's just something we've been talking about..
um..idk what else to write about, but hope you guys enjoyed my lil update..comment plz, tell me what you've been up to or what you think anything!!
Current Location: Home, Iqaluit, Nunavut
Current Mood: boredbored
Current Music: Pump it up- Joe Buddens
18 March 2007 @ 02:56 pm
wow, it's been a while since i've updated...oh well..i'll just give the gist of things...

So i broke up with Guy last week. I don't really consider it breaking up cuz i Know we're going to end up together..I still really love him, he just needs to grow up a little more and realize we have a family and need to change our priorities and whatever...but IDK i wish he would talk to me. ANd i get the feeling that he is going to stop helping out with my panik at all because he wouldn't even send us some moeny...but oh well...I've been alone for three months the only things that are changing is now I can actually see other people...and that's all..I don't have to worry about him being mad at me for anything or whatever, so I'm feeling a little less stressed...
I started getting really depressed again...but i stoped that by drinking, not lit enough to be drunk just a little buzzed all day long...so i'm not too happy about hat and i know it's borthering my brother cuz well..i'm pretty waisted all the time..and it's not exactly cheap..oh well..everyone has their fix i guess..

My panik is going to go visit my parents on tuesday which will be nice, i'll have a few days away from her, and they'll be able to see their grand daughter again..so i'm happy.

and yeah..idk, if you guys want care to see more pics of her, or read more of my blogs you should check out ma bebo..it's the web page i have linked here..lol..
but yeah idk what else to write about..
miss ya'll

PS happy Birthday KELLY!!!!
Current Location: Pam's Place Rankin Inlet
Current Music: Mystory Alaska...awesome movie
19 January 2007 @ 09:47 am
So i'm getting close to going two weeks alone. And Guy doesn't call as much as he used to (which is understandable as it's EXPENSIVE)..but I'm starting to really feel like I need attention..which is not good, cuz if I need it bad enough i know i'm going to cheat on him..which I KNOW don't want to..but idk, I'm so tired or being a single mom, and feeling like he's out there having the time of his life...I know he's not drinking everynight and parting like it's 1999 or anything like that..but I keep picturing him having it so easy. I mean I love my Panik (daughter) to death, but I HATE being single. I feel like i'm in hell.
It's not like I can't live without a boy..It feels like we're not going out, but I still have to follow all his stupid rules. (WHich i don't)..I have all the bad things about our relationship and non of the good..
I know everything will get better once we're together again. Long distance relationships Suck soo much, I'm never doing it again..

And if we're not there by the end of the month, I'm creating a new plan, I feel stupid for waiting around for him..just stupid..
Current Location: Work (Nunavut Power Corp.)
Current Mood: draineddrained
Current Music: HOT 103 Winnipeg's Hit Music Station
21 December 2006 @ 08:05 pm
Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

In May I helped lissianna hide a body (-173 points). Last Saturday I helped babebeegurl see the light (8 points). In February I gave nerbe a Dutch Oven (-10 points). In July I put gum in tearsofclarity's hair (-12 points). In June I set tiffernickel's puppy on fire (-66 points).

Overall, I've been naughty (-253 points). For Christmas I deserve a spanking!


Write your letter to Santa! Enter your LJ username:

wow, sounds like i'm a pretty mean girl..heheh..oh well.. but lately things have been going good, i'm starting to get used to the idea of being a single mother again :P..since GUy is going away for school...at least it won't be for tooo long..i hope. But ma panik is doing really well, she's 3 months now..it's so crazy..We just got a jolly jumper for her, she bounces a little but not that much..it's so cute tho..hehe..
I'm just at work watching the kids nap..i work at a daycare..which is so awesome, the kids are so sweet..but Friday is going to be my last day so I could be a stay at home mom while Guy is away at school. We Finally got a Phone, thank god. It was horrible.
Things with me and Guy are going really good, we're still a little worried about what it's going to be like to be apart for so long again, but i mean, we still both love eachother and really want to be together. I really want to tell him not to go and to just stay with me, but I'm afraid that if i do, he'll listen and end up not going, and even tho it will suck to be alone again, i know him going to school is better.
but yeah, i can hear one of the kids moving around, i think they're awake..better go check it out..

Current Location: Work, Ajajaa Pairivik
Current Music: Kids Snoring
14 December 2006 @ 07:58 pm
So me and Guy worked out a lot of things, he said he would stop trying to control me, which makes me happy, but i mean I still don't know if I can really trust him..But i'm hopoing.
He's going to be taking a course in Iqaluit so he'll be gone by Jan.7th and we'll be joining him as soon as we can find an apartment.
So i'll go back to being a single mother..atleast i'llh ave my own place and friends and such..
but yeah just at work so I just figured i;d do a quick update..
Current Location: work
10 December 2006 @ 06:19 pm
So i'm with at Catherines house cuz we still don't have the internt, or a phone, or anything really..but showly we're getting there..I just don't know ifI want to stick around long enough to get there.
I'm so sick of the way guy is acting. He expects me to cook and clean for him and all this stuff that i'm not going to do. He wants me to change who I am.
I understand that I can't keep living the way I did because I have a baby now, but at the same time I can't completly change who I am.
I just don't know what to do. I love him so much and want to be with him. But I don't want to change. I think i'm going to end up moving out. but I don't want to. we just need to work this out. and I don't know how we're going to do it.
I just wish he could be less old fashion.

In other news i'm now working at a daycare and I love it the kids are so cute, and it's such easy work.

Shady is doing really good, she's going through a growth spirt so she's eating a lot. Anyway I don't want to take up too much time so I'll have to stop for now.

10 November 2006 @ 10:23 am
so i'm back home now..and i have been for like a week...which i absolutely luv..it was weird at first cuz i wasn't sure how well i'd be able to transition into going back to the old me..like, idk it's not that i change hard core when i'm not here but I know i act different..and i know the boyz notice cuz they think i'm a total bitch after being home..but oh well i'm actually happy, I don't think as much so i'm a lot happier I don't worry about what other people think and I don't always feel like I need to change when I'm here..idk why but ppl here always made me feel like i was normal..even if i'm not like them it's never been a bad thing, i've always felt accepted...
I miss my friends and whatever, but i mean after I had Shady things wern't the same, not like we didn't talk or anything, but i mean it was weird talking to them knowing that they get to go out and party and whatever and i'm stuck at home with a baby, i always felt like I was so old, or that I had to like grow up before i was ready, but here I feel like I can still take the time I need to adjust to having a kid and that's aweosme, i love knowing that I'm not being rushed or forced into doing anything..
Tuesday was me and GUy's eleven month anniversary, i know he doesn't care about the days and whatever, but I still love knowing that I could actually not get bored of someoen for that long, i'm actually really quite suprised...I really didn't think it would last more then a month, like I said before it was a highschool crush thing and I knew eventually he would get bored of me..but hehe I fooled him for this long, i'm sure I can keep it up..lol...nah I like what we have...
Tomorrow is the dance woo hoo, i know it's super dorky but i mean with no clubs or bars around here it's the best form of entertainment and I've been trying to learn how to C-walk, and i have the basic steps down but I just can't figure out how to spell things out and whatever..if any of you guys know how to c-walk i'd love some advice..hehe..
anyways i should go,,,actually i just can't think of anything else to say..
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Current Mood: satisfiedsatisfied
Current Music: nothing...guy breathing and computer humming